Uncle Bunkle is the not-very-secret alias for Tod Schneider, an Oregon-based professional story-teller, poet and singer of original, outlandish tales and tunes.
I'm also a safe school design consultant, non-violence teacher, and police crime prevention specialist.
Uncle Bunkle performs a tongue-in-cheeky all ages show of funny original songs and stories, especially geared toward 7-11 year olds. The show covers such cutting edge topics as soapy peaches, hungry tigers, maligned dragons, heartless bakers, smoothie catastrophes, extreme tooth brushing, cat dressing, wolverine liberation, music maniacs, and banana etiquette. The CD "Try Not to Smell Like Food," serves up a dozen of Uncle Bunkle's silliest musical hits. Listen to the CD on Pandora radio, at www.pandora.com.
The Uncle Bunkle Stories cover the adventures of Cordelia, her mama Penca, Grandma Anacely, and their short-haired, mustard-colored mutt, Jack the Dog. They started out so small they lived in a walnut shell in the Gloomy Doomy forest. (You were tiny once yourself you know!)
These kids get a story a month and a poem a week!
Most of my works are available LIVE IN PERSON! or on CD, as follows:
The Uncle Bunkle Stories, volume 1 Chicken Trouble, The Uncle Bunkle Storeis, volume 2 More Outlandish Adventures, The Uncle Bunkle Stories, volume 3 The Stinky Guy and other Quirky Uncle Bunkle Poetry Try Not to Smell Like Food (songs)
Here is the cover of my poetry disk, The Stinky Guy!
MAGIC ELEVATOR SHOES!
See and hear a slide show of one of my Uncle Bunkle poems, the Magic Elevator Shoes on You Tube!
Or you can just read it aloud:
Elevator
Shoes
Our study
shows you’re much too short,
so
everybody must report
to the
office where, good news,
you’ll get
magic elevator shoes.
These are
a very special kind,
they’re
really mighty hard to find;
If you
wear them in the hall yer
guaranteed
to end up taller.
Just stick
a thumb in each armpit;
I’m
confident they’ll neatly fit;
then flap,
and soon, before you know what
happened
you will quickly grow up.
Quite a
bit, it’s really neat!
If you’ve
two legs you’ll grow two feet.
For those
of you with three or four,
you’ll
likely grow a whole lot more.
In any
case, we must stop pumping
if we find
our heads are bumping
on
low-hanging ceiling lights --
they pose
a risk at ten foot heights.
If we
don’t stop, I’m warning you,
It’s
possible we’ll pass right through
the
ceiling tiles and the roof – we
run the
risk of looking goofy.
But have
no fear, for in a crisis
a safety
move that’s rather nice is
if you
cough and cough and cough
you’re
bound to blow your shoes right off.
Custodians
would then be trying
to catch
those shoes blown loose and flying wildly up and down the halls
like
weird, misshapen basketballs.
And if
they proved too hard to get
control
of, they could use a net
kept hanging
right there in the hall,
designed
for flying shoe control.
Now in
some cases I concede
it’s
possible that they would need
another
option you’ll be thrilled in
hearing of
-- they’ll use small children.
That’s
right! I know that you’ll be thankful
to hear
they’ll swing you by the ankle,
not the
head, that’s just not prudent,
and could harm
a fragile student.
They’ll be
well trained, I guarantee,
to hold
you tight and set you free
just when
a flying shoe you’ve spotted --
they’ll
aim with care & when you’ve got it
In your
sights you’ll hoot or cackle
and catch
it with a flying tackle.
Once of
course would not suffice,
you’d have
to do the catching twice.
Now
getting shoes right off the shelf
is fine
but catching them yourself,
I’m
telling you, and I’m not lying,
that’s
somehow much more satisfying.
You’d put
them on and, now I’m thinking,
that first
kid would be nearby shrinking.
Dazed,
perhaps, and looking clueless,
standing
in the hallway, shoeless.
But so it
goes, a kind of dance,
fear not,
she’ll get another chance,
and when
she does, she’ll feel elated
when once
more she's been elevated.
THE LOST WINK
I've posted my novel, The Lost Wink, at www.authonomy.com It's free to sign up and read it on line! Here's what it's about:
When King Curlichek’s entourage visits Roscoe’s roadside
baked-apple stand, things are looking up – but not for long. The King mistakes
Roscoe’s innocent blink for a scandalous wink at Princess Maisie! The
beak-nosed orphan is seized and bound. Maisie however, busy munching her
scrumptious Crispus Delispus, misses the blink. When the King explains what has
happened she's distressed. This was her first wink! She orders it found.
Roscoe offers to search for it himself and is untied, but
almost immediately blinks once more. This time it is well received. Even
better, he promises to keep looking for the lost wink. Maisie’s glad to hear
this. If Roscoe can find it he must bring it to her in the city of Zonkachoo –
a challenge that pleases him greatly, for he has fallen in love.
But this won’t be easy. Roscoe must first flee from enslavement under his evil master,
Mortimer, and Mortimer won’t let him go willingly. In fact he’d prefer him
permanently silenced, for Roscoe has discovered the remains of another boy
Mortimer murdered years earlier.
Fleeing from Mortimer is only the first hurdle. Roscoe must
also outwit hungry ogres in the Forest of Doom and conniving bandits along
Skunkthistle Road, all the while eluding Mortimer’s grasp.
Can Roscoe find his
way to Zonkachoo, avoid a beheading, replace the lost wink and win the heart of
the Princess?
Our motto: Anyone who's feeling sunk'll benefit from Uncle Bunkle!
If you'd like more information about Uncle Bunkle, you can reach me at todschneider@hotmail.com or at 541-543-1774.
Uncle Bunkle is the not-very-secret alias for Tod Schneider, an Oregon-based professional story-teller, poet and singer of original, outlandish tales and tunes. 
Uncle Bunkle performs a tongue-in-cheeky all ages show of funny original songs and stories, especially geared toward 7-11 year olds. The show covers such cutting edge topics as soapy peaches, hungry tigers, maligned dragons, heartless bakers, smoothie catastrophes, extreme tooth brushing, cat dressing, wolverine liberation, music maniacs, and banana etiquette. The CD "Try Not to Smell Like Food," serves up a dozen of Uncle Bunkle's silliest musical hits. Listen to the CD on Pandora radio, at 
The Uncle Bunkle Stories cover the adventures of Cordelia, her mama Penca, Grandma Anacely, and their short-haired, mustard-colored mutt, Jack the Dog. They started out so small they lived in a walnut shell in the Gloomy Doomy forest. (You were tiny once yourself you know!)
Here is the cover
